Whenever I see an ambulance on its way to rescue someone, whenever I see a terrible accident, whenever I hear the news that someone is battling a dreaded disease, or loss of a loved one, I pause and offer a prayer for those whose lives may at that very moment be changed forever. I never suspected that the healthy horse that I have always been would one day hear the words that would change my life and that of my family’s forever. I must say that the Lord in his tender mercies gave me little inklings here and there that this trial was coming, but as we do with most unpleasant things, we put them aside and hope they do not come to pass!
My emotions have ranged – anger at those who get to continue to live a normal life (fortunately that didn’t last very long), overwhelming sadness at leaving my family and my grandchildren who mean the world to me, despair and fear of the unknown – wanting to run out in front of a bus or something and end it all right now. But the overwhelming emotion for most days has been one of peace. This is what the Lord desires of me at this time and I pray for the strength to endure it well, to keep my sense of humor, to be a blessing to all those around me for as long as He allows me to live. I just ran across a scripture this morning from Hebrew 3:14: “For we are made partakers of Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast unto the end.” I pray that He will help me to do that. One of the stanzas from my favorite hymn, “I Know That My Redeemer Lives” says:
He lives to silence all my fears
He lives to wipe away my tears
He lives to calm my troubled heart
He lives all blessings to impart.
I have been the recipient of that great blessing over and over in other trials during my life and KNOW with all my heart that He does live and that He will see me and those I love so much (its so hard to watch them suffer too) through this new journey together. I have felt the power of the priesthood in blessings I have received at the hands of my companion and my sons and son’s in-law. What an awesome link to the powers of heaven! I have received incredible strength from my family, from so many friends and co-workers, from my church family – all of these prayers are a great force for good and I know the Lord will hear and honor their humble pleas in my behalf.
My Family - November 2008
I have a family here on earth; they are so dear to me. I want to spend my life with them through all eternity!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
How it all started...
Mom went to the Dr. on Tuesday August 12th, because she had a cough that had been gradually getting worse. She began having a difficult time breathing and walking at the same time. The Dr. took an x-ray, and told her she had pleural effusion (a pleural effusion is a collection of fluid between the lung and the chest wall that prevents the lung from expanding properly). He said the fluid in her lungs would need to be removed in an outpatient office and that he would try and have that scheduled that day. She didn’t hear back from him at the end of the day, so Jennie stopped by her house and checked to make sure she’d be okay until the morning.
On Wednesday morning, her Dr. told her there was a Dr. waiting at PV Hospital to aspirate her lung. While she was in the ER they began to run a bunch of tests. They eventually put her into a room. We knew at the time that a pleural effusion could be caused by anything from tuberculosis to heart failure, or cancer.
On Thursday, the Dr. finally did the procedure to remove the fluid from her lung. He took out 1.3 liters, but left in quite a bit to minimize the amount of pain she’d have from her lung trying to re-expand.
On Friday, she spent most of the day recovering and plotting ways to escape the hospital. The Dr. told her she could go home for the weekend, but that if she stayed in, she would get first dibs on having any further procedures or seeing any other specialists, so she grudgingly stayed.
On Saturday they did a follow-up CT scan to see how much fluid was still there, and to see if they could find the cause for the pleural effusion. The scan showed a large scattering of nodules throughout her lower lung. Since every other cause for the effusion had been cancelled out, we began to fear that it might be cancer.
A cardio-thoracic surgeon came on Sunday and told her she would be able to have surgery the next day. He told her the plan was to go in, collapse the lung again, clean out more of the fluid, take some biopsies of the nodules, re-expand the lung, and do a procedure called a pleuradesis, where talc is placed between the lung and pleura to cause them to stick together and prevent further effusions.
On Monday morning, she was on a liquid diet until after breakfast, then nothing at all until the surgery. She didn’t end up going in until after 6:00 PM that night. When it was over the Dr. told those who were waiting that it had gone well, but that the nodules were very spread out and also on her pericardium (the sac that holds the heart). They left a chest tube in to drain the excess fluid over the next few days and there was a large incision under her left arm where they went in for the biopsies and pleuradesis.
Monday night and all of Tuesday, she was in the ICU where she was hooked up to even more monitors and IV’s, but had much closer care from the nurses. She had been given a large amount of pain medications, so she was sleeping most of the time. During her entire stay at the hospital she had awesome nurses who took very good care of her, not only physically, but emotionally as well.
We were told that it would take a few days for the pathology to come back from the biopsies taken, and then we would know if the cancer was from the lung, or from somewhere else, and what type it was. On Wednesday, after spending most of the morning in the ICU she was able to have the chest tube removed and she was moved into a regular room again. We made sure to get a window seat so we had some room to set up all her flowers and cards and balloons.
On Thursday the surgeon came in and told us all that the pathology had come back and that it was mesothelioma. We had all known this was a possibility, so we had researched it quite a bit, and knew what it meant. After we talked for a little while with Mom about it, the oncologist came in and was able to answer the many questions we had about prognosis, treatment and anything else we could think of. Mesothelioma is most often caused by asbestos exposure
and has an extremely long latent phase (10-50 years) so by the time any symptoms show up (a pleural effusion is usually the first sign) the cancer has spread past the point of repair. The Dr. told us that without chemotherapy, she might have 4-6 months to live. With treatment, not only is there the possibility of an extended period of survival, but also the quality of life is improved greatly.
Mom has a trip planned with her sisters and father to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, and then to Disneyland the week after. When she gets home, she will start chemotherapy.
On Wednesday morning, her Dr. told her there was a Dr. waiting at PV Hospital to aspirate her lung. While she was in the ER they began to run a bunch of tests. They eventually put her into a room. We knew at the time that a pleural effusion could be caused by anything from tuberculosis to heart failure, or cancer.
On Thursday, the Dr. finally did the procedure to remove the fluid from her lung. He took out 1.3 liters, but left in quite a bit to minimize the amount of pain she’d have from her lung trying to re-expand.
On Friday, she spent most of the day recovering and plotting ways to escape the hospital. The Dr. told her she could go home for the weekend, but that if she stayed in, she would get first dibs on having any further procedures or seeing any other specialists, so she grudgingly stayed.
On Saturday they did a follow-up CT scan to see how much fluid was still there, and to see if they could find the cause for the pleural effusion. The scan showed a large scattering of nodules throughout her lower lung. Since every other cause for the effusion had been cancelled out, we began to fear that it might be cancer.
A cardio-thoracic surgeon came on Sunday and told her she would be able to have surgery the next day. He told her the plan was to go in, collapse the lung again, clean out more of the fluid, take some biopsies of the nodules, re-expand the lung, and do a procedure called a pleuradesis, where talc is placed between the lung and pleura to cause them to stick together and prevent further effusions.
On Monday morning, she was on a liquid diet until after breakfast, then nothing at all until the surgery. She didn’t end up going in until after 6:00 PM that night. When it was over the Dr. told those who were waiting that it had gone well, but that the nodules were very spread out and also on her pericardium (the sac that holds the heart). They left a chest tube in to drain the excess fluid over the next few days and there was a large incision under her left arm where they went in for the biopsies and pleuradesis.
Monday night and all of Tuesday, she was in the ICU where she was hooked up to even more monitors and IV’s, but had much closer care from the nurses. She had been given a large amount of pain medications, so she was sleeping most of the time. During her entire stay at the hospital she had awesome nurses who took very good care of her, not only physically, but emotionally as well.
We were told that it would take a few days for the pathology to come back from the biopsies taken, and then we would know if the cancer was from the lung, or from somewhere else, and what type it was. On Wednesday, after spending most of the morning in the ICU she was able to have the chest tube removed and she was moved into a regular room again. We made sure to get a window seat so we had some room to set up all her flowers and cards and balloons.
On Thursday the surgeon came in and told us all that the pathology had come back and that it was mesothelioma. We had all known this was a possibility, so we had researched it quite a bit, and knew what it meant. After we talked for a little while with Mom about it, the oncologist came in and was able to answer the many questions we had about prognosis, treatment and anything else we could think of. Mesothelioma is most often caused by asbestos exposure
and has an extremely long latent phase (10-50 years) so by the time any symptoms show up (a pleural effusion is usually the first sign) the cancer has spread past the point of repair. The Dr. told us that without chemotherapy, she might have 4-6 months to live. With treatment, not only is there the possibility of an extended period of survival, but also the quality of life is improved greatly.
Mom has a trip planned with her sisters and father to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, and then to Disneyland the week after. When she gets home, she will start chemotherapy.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
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