The End of Treatment - at Long Last

We finished the radiation treatments on Wednesday -- a few days before it was scheduled to be completed, but I was feeling so awful that to me whatever benefit there was to be had in those last few treatments were not worth having to climb back out of the hole they were putting me in. I can't explain in words what it's like to wake up in the morning and know that I don't have to see a doctor, have radiation, be poked, x-rayed, infused, or any other thing involved in the treatment of cancer! I will return to the oncologist on the 15th of July just for routine follow-up and then three weeks after that will come the moment of truth (the CT scan) to see if 21 days of radiation helped our quest to kill some of the little monsters.

I never did trust in the arm of flesh, but now science has done all they can do for me and I trust in the Lord completely for whatever time He sees fit to let me stay here. I feel like I have lots to do with finishing up my journals and writing a brief history of my sojourn here, but I'm quite sure there will never be enough hugs from grandchildren, missionaries sent into the field, beautiful girls in their wedding dresses, and time spent with those who mean the most to me, so I'll be grateful for what I can cherish on this side of the veil and continue to watch over my family from the other side when that time comes.

In the meantime, its time to cherish and enjoy every single day!! Your prayers have kept me in good health for 10 months -- kept me sane with your laughter, strength and service. You are, without doubt, the most awesome friends and family anyone could ever ask for!

A Few Tidbits

I am now almost half-way through the radiation treatments and praying for the strength to endure! The radiation oncologist decided to go ahead and treat the entire cancer area not just the lymph nodes. (This can be done with the tomotherapy radiation machine which targets the bad boys while sparing good tissue.) She felt this would give me a better chance at having a longer period of time without any further treatments. My family and I and the oncologist have decided against any further chemo therapy - it will lessen my quality of life without the promise of doing any good at all. The radiation is not unpleasant at all - it just zaps all my strength and leaves me with a cough that makes eating something less than desirable because of my dumb gag reflex. (Not to worry - I'm finding enough liquid things and soft foods to get the job done!) There is some residual pain in my lung, but easily treatable with over the counter meds. While this update might have tones of whining, please be assured that my life is in the Lord's hands and I am grateful for every experience which teaches me greater patience and greater trust in Him. My greatest goal for whatever remains of my life here on earth is to stand as a witness for Him and for His goodness to me and for the miracles which are part of my life. Those miracles have happeneded and continue to happen because of the faith and prayers of my beloved family and friends. I want the world to know how thankful I am for my children - they are my rock and have given up so much of their lives over the past nine months to take me everywhere I need to go and to serve me in every way they can think of. My life is rich because of friends I have made and the posterity with which I have been blessed.

Something New & Different

First - I had a wonderful trip to Women's Conference at BYU a couple of weeks ago with two of my daughters (and one daughter-in law - but I never consider any of my daughter-in-laws anything but daughters). It was a bit tiring but SO uplifting and inspiring. I even attended one class on dealing with cancer and long-term illnesses. It was so awesome and helped us to focus on HOW to deal with it not WHY and getting over all of the fears that we all have. We all came home with full buckets that were emptied rather quickly with being back in reality!

But on to the bigger news. I had two scans yesterday, another PET scan and a regular CT scan, and met with a new Dr. today (Dr. Nixon) since my regular doctor ended up having heart surgery and is out of commission for awhile. He was wonderful and I liked him immediately. The sort of bad news is that the chemo drugs I have been on have quit being useful after ten rounds. He said that was quite impressive that they worked for so long. The scans showed that the lymph nodes near my heart are enlarging (these can carry the cancer to other parts of my body - not good.) The good news is that these can be treated with radiation. The sort of bad news is that that will be five days a week for the next five weeks beginning Monday. I was marked and tatooed (whoopee my first tatoo!) today. The treatments are very short though but the trip out there every day is an hour long! After the radiation we will probably start more chemo therapy which will be greater in intensity and have more side effects. But as always, I am in the Lord's hands and trust in His continuing care for me and thank Him for each day he allows me to remain with my loving family and friends. I thank you once again for your continued faith and prayers - I am continually amazed at the power of those prayers! My gratitude for your love and concern are the subject of my prayers daily!

Hanging On

To all of you who follow my blog faithfully (all two of you :O) ) I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long. It has been a roller coaster of a ride for a month or so. There have been some serious issues with my oncologist that sent my daughters on a hunt for a new treatment facility. I have been fighting with depression especially during the week following chemo, so I was not much help. But due to the generosity of my family who were willing meet the difference in what my insurance will cover, I changed to the Cancer Treatment Centers of America. What a difference! These physicians not only know my name but meet with me every three weeks before chemo to discuss my treatment and how I'm doing and offer help with side effects, etc. They are a wonderful group of people. (I'm still nervous about costs, but since we have covered the basics, please don't feel the need to contribute to my "cause" any more - each of you has burdens of your own. I am SO appreciative of your kindness, prayers, and generosity that I cannot adequately express my feelings.

Each of these chemo treatments seems to leave me a little weaker and my stomach a little less tolerant, but these new physicians are helping with the neuropathy (numbness in hands and feet) and they are willing to give me some options of going longer between treatments (always watching the growth of the cancer with scans) so that my body has a chance to recover. I dread every treatment, but am trying to do my best to accept the Lord's will and to have a cheerful attitude. I have a quote pinned to my desk from Elder Holland that reads: "I testify that bad days come to an end, that faith always triumphs, and that heavenly promises are always kept." I believe those words!! I do feel much better by the time its time for the next treatment!!

May God continue to bless all of my angels. . you make it all worthwhile and keep me going with your love, faith and prayers!

MIRACLE AFTER MIRACLE!!

Tests results today showed, again, no spread of the tumors, in the in fact one of the lymph nodes near my heart has completely resolved (lymph nodes are notorious for carrying the cancer cells to other places in the body) and tumors in the left pleural space are diminished. The larger tumors near the diaphragm remain confined to the pleural space and have not increased in size and nothing has spread to the lung. These are miraculous results due to your faith and prayers and the power of priesthood blessings. I am forever in your debt as friends and family for making this extension of my life possible. I am amazed at the love that the Savior offers me and testify of his goodness and mercy and healing power. "He lives to comfort me when faint, He lives to hear my soul's complaint, He lives to silence all my fears, He lives to wipe away my tears, He lives and grants me daily breath, He lives and I shall conquer death! "

As I was reading scriptures the other day, I ran across this one in Isaiah 9:2:

"The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light, they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined." His light has surely shined on me!

I thank all of my 'heaven sent' angels for allowing me to be part of your lives and to be worthy of your faith and prayers. Thank heaven that miracles still exist on the earth today !

We move on with more chemo treatments in three weeks - had the 8th one today. I am also looking into other treatments at other facilities - we've heard of some other things being done for this type of cancer! In the meantime I'm taking two weeks for vacation from this endless cycle and going to visit my kids in Colorado!